Stories
First I'd like to expand this blog, So if anyone is interested in joining, please let me know.
Now for a short story sesson.
What is the best/funniest/epic D&D stories that you've ever paricipated in?
Feel free to make new posts about it since the comments don't give you much room to write.
Now for a short story sesson.
What is the best/funniest/epic D&D stories that you've ever paricipated in?
Feel free to make new posts about it since the comments don't give you much room to write.
posted by Olives at 1:18 AM
10 Comments:
Well, I had a campaign with a complete moron one time.
Example A:
DM: you see a large hole..
Moron player: I jump down!!
DM: ... you fall 20 feet and break both your legs.
Moron: What? But how else are we supposed to get down?
DM: If you had let me finish, I would have told you about the ladder.
Example B:
DM: The room is long and there are shelves of coffins lining the walls.
Moron: I run in and open one.
DM: *sigh* you open one, and the rest begin to open as well. Out of the coffins crawl about 50 zombies.
*other players roll initiative*
Moron: I sit in the middle of the room and play my flute.
DM: um, okay.. you sit down and play.
Moron: what kind of effect does it have on the creatures?
DM: They try to eat you.
Moron: but I'm trying to lull them into a stupor through my music!
DM: They're zombies... they just want to eat your flesh. They don't give a fuck about music.
heh heh that's awesome kaitlyn.
isnt that the same guy whose flute you stole?
Yes it is.
Wonderful! Moron players are always humorous.
This is my favorite story.
it's not DND but Rift which is very similiar.
Kyle Federici (Lizardman warrior) spots a huge beast in a room. Before anyone else can create a stategy to get around or past this monster, Kyle silences everyone and says that he has a plan. Kevin (Technomage) that has explosives gets assigned to strap explosives to one of two pillars in the room. And I (Mind Melter) was sent to knock down the other. His plan was that the pilliars would fall causing a huge distraction, when Federici woujld jump over the pilliars while dust was still in the air and slay it before It knew he was there. The plan goes off without a hitch, except that after we knock the pilliars down, the DM explains that the pilliars generally hold up roofs. Our bad. The roof starts to cave in while fed is running it. DC 15 spot (essentiall), he fails, keeps running, dc 15 jump to get over the pilliars he makes it, finally an inititive roll to figure out if he falls under the roof or manages to jump on it. He rolls the exact same and jumps INTO the falling roof. Knocking him unconscious, where the monster drains him of all his physical energy and leaves him a bloody mess.
Obviously there is not enough people yet on this blog to make any posts worthwhile. LOL
Alright, I have a memory. This one involves that same Lizard man warrior from an earlier port.
They entered a town after just stealing, or otherwise attaining an APC, which they coveted (I tend to be fickle when it comes to heavily armoured vehicles). This town was in the middle of the dessert, and apperintly abandoned. Well, we all know that "abandoned" really means "filled with ravounus angry little monsters (grigleapers). After storing the APC in a hidden location and proceeding on foot, the party runs into a small unit of Coalition (evil) soldiors. They do quick battle and dispatch them, but in the process the lizard man fell a woman holding a mortar, who dropped it and it triggered, exploding in Fed's face. Fortunitly, most of that lizard man was bionic anad super strong, so only his tail, legs, and left arm where instantly insinerated, and coterized. That is when the Grigleapers heard the commotion. They grabbed their one unconcious prisoner, and made a mad dash for the APC, Fed strapped to Olives' back, firing a laser pistol with one good arm. Man that was one tough fucker.
Later, that prisoner was described as "tomato paste" inside the APC, which the party had to leave as bait for the grigleapers. Fed cried a little, over his vehicle.
C
...incinerated, among other spelling and gramatical mistakes
C
The dwarves’ brow gleamed with a sweat filled with grime and blood, some of which seeped from one of his many small wounds. Ornately crafted full plate moved like a second skin on him as he thudded towards his target. In front of him two hulking minotaurs stood erect as statues. As he neared his enemy a smell struck his nostrils like a forge hammer but he shook it off and raised his enchanted axe. The axe crackled and blue snakes of electricity looped around its magically enhanced edge. The dwarf leapt with the axe raised over head and a spiked shield in front of him towards the first of the beasts with a war cry. Without uttering a sound the minotaur brought its mighty great axe to bear in an attempt to split the dwarf as he transcended towards it. In a downward arc carrying the momentum of the jump the dwarf smashed the weapon out of the minotaurs hand. Chunks of putrid flesh peeled and fell away from the brute and it struck the dwarf that this creature had not been alive for some time as he threw himself to the side barely avoiding the second minotaurs weapon which sent hunks of stone flying as it smashed into the cave floor. The unarmed monster ignoring its axe completely lowered its head and charged in hopes of pulping the dwarf with it’s large curved horns. With little time to react and acting on reflexes alone the dwarf placed his shield in front of him and braced. Upon impact the large metal spike drove into the Minotaurs skull driving its head in halve and finally jarring at the base of the neck with a sickly crunch. The body still carrying momentum shattered the shield and propelled the dwarf into the rough rock wall behind him. The dwarf cracked his helmet on the surface probably saving his life but not preventing the force from knocking his sense out of him as well as his wind. The second giant zombie hefted its rusted axe to dismember the prone dwarf but just before the minotaur could finish him a streak of lightning struck the undead in the shoulder and exploded in a dazzling display of light. The rotting beasts arm flew from his body but he didn’t fall instead he teetered on his balance and raised his axe again before a second hit him in the upper abdomen peeling his chest and sending a variety of decayed tissues flying. The corpse toppled and with a thud lay inert the necromancy cast on it dissipated from the flesh. “Took ye long enough human.” managed the dwarf through labored breathes as filled his lungs with air again.
A short, skinny robed human walked leisurely towards the dwarf. His face was framed by a very short unmanaged beard and loose neck length hair. His face was drawn to a point and had a high set of cheek bones. His sparkly blue eyes gleamed as he replied “I was just waiting for a window of opportunity you see my good friend. I wouldn’t want to fry you! Besides, cooked dwarf is a specialty my people only prepare on religious holidays.”
“Aye, but sliced Kelah is a snack us dwarfs enjoy any day, now we best be on our way before I get too hungry”
“Ohh Flakk always thinking about your stomach! Always food ale and fighting with you isn’t it? You dwarfs and your one track minds I say if you had one sense of….”
“Kelah.” Interrupted Flakk.
“Yes Flakk?”
“Shut up and lets get moving or I will knock you out and carry you.”
The wizard shrugged and began deeper into the cave the dwarf close beside him.
Flakk, the valiant and fairly tough dwarven warrior stood atop the broken bodies of his enemies in a slave arena match. The Orcs and Goblins in the audiance where so impressed, that Flakk was allowed his life. Like, he did really well.
Well, Flakk was taken into a gated off section of the arena wall, with the gate closing behind him. He started to hear the commotion of the next act, and turned to see. In the ring was a tub filled with a beautiful fair skined, red haired woman. She was no Dwarf, he knew she was a beautiful human. Rick's rolls where so good, that the best I could do as GM was say that he just wanted to save that woman so much, it broke physics. He basicaly walked through the solid gate, single killed two hell hounds in two rounds, and threw this deceptivly human looking mermaid over his shoulder, and thought "Ak! She's got red hair, shes my kinda gurl!"
He then ran out infront of the absolutely astonished audiance, that were so shocked by his reaperance alone that they did nothing.
C
A Rick side not to above story; there was flaying of orcs with estabishly Ham Sized Fists.
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